top news sidebar at abc seven news.com. i try not to torture myself by looking at the pictures of what i didn't see, but you could not see with the naked eye. but you tried, i did, i tried, all right. >> reminder that you can watch all of our newscasts live and on demand through the abc seven bay area connected tv app. it's available for apple tv, google tv, amazon fire tv, and roku. download the app now and you can start streaming. >> all right, thanks for watching. i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for spencer christian. >> chris alvarez, all of us. we appreciate your time right now on jimmy kimmel luke bryan have a great night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- john mulaney. plus, music from gary clark jr. and stevie wonder. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ >> jimmy: thank you. oh, very nice. thank you very much. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. please relax. we're glad you're joining us here at our home in hollywood, where i have to say, i am very excited, i am very proud, i'm exhilarated, even. because from here on, we aren't just following the donald trump drama in new york, we are part of it. we are part of the official record of the people versus donald trump. i will explain in a moment. but suffice it to say when ryan murphy makes the nine-part miniseries about this for fubo -- [ laughter ] i will be in it. i would assume someone like george clooney or maybe chris hemsworth will be playing me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, you will be in it. >> guillermo: all right, yeah!

>> jimmy: you will be played by pedro pascal. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: all right, yeah! >> jimmy: the reason why is -- because the big surprise bombshell today, at least for us, was when prosecutors entered into evidence a series of text messages about our show. "prosecutor shows texts between lawyers about stormy daniels' appearance on "jimmy kimmel live.'" [ laughter ] back in 2018, keith davidson, the lawyer who helped stormy negotiate the hush money deal, was apparently surprised she was booked to be my guest and concerned about it. he texted with trump's lawyer at the time, michael cohen, while the show was on the air. they were watching and texting, which is historic. it's the first time -- i don't want to brag. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the first time a late-night talk show has been introduced into evidence at the criminal trial for a president of the united states. [ laughter ] johnny carson didn't get that with nixon, we got it here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you.

six years ago, we had stormy on after the state of the union. i asked her about a letter she released that said she never had an affair with trump, i questioned whether she really signed the letter because the signature looked suspect. stormy implied that she hadn't signed the letter, which led to some very angry texts from trump's lawyer who threatened to "rain legal hell" on her. and while i was pleased as punch for sure -- [ laughter ] to be included today, i feel like prosecutors missed the most important interview i did with stormy, which was this. >> which of these mushrooms, orange mushrooms, would most represent the commander in chief of the united states military? >> can you hold it up so it's coming at me at the correct angle? >> jimmy: yes. [ moans and laughter ] >> jimmy: they might fall off. is this the one? >> it's a nubbin. >> a what?

>> it's a nubbin. it's a little nubbin. >> jimmy: so for real? like, you're not just picking one of the small -- okay, this is not even the smallest one. >> no. >> jimmy: this is it, huh? >> that's the most accurate depiction, yes. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: if you look at it, johnnie cochran would use that. [ laughter ] if the mushroom fits, you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] this is why i need to be in court. i'm sick of eeg out of the court, i want to be in it. why was i not asked to testify? it's outrageous! [ laughter ] i'm going to start suing people, i don't know. i think i could keep trump awake during the trial. [ laughter ] one of the unexpected delights of this trial so far is trump has to sit there while his own lawyers read insulting posts about him. like this. >> i apologize for this update ahead of time, but blanche, todd blanche, the trump attorney, is specifically reading a post that michael cohen made on twitter on april 22nd in which he refers to

donald trump as vaughn shitzenpants. [ laughter ] that is just a factual record that i'm bringing before you. this is in the court transcript. von shitzenpants. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and trump has to sit there and listen to this. i think what cohen was trying to say is trump is a well-soiled machine. [ laughter ] this also had to be a punch in the gut. you know trump has been encouraging his supporters in new york to come to the courthouse to support him. this is what he got. "after large rallies, trump is greeted at courthouse by a single fan." [ laughter ] and before i share a video of that fan, i would like you to close your eyes and try to imagine the one person in new york who showed up to cheer on donald trump. okay? got it? now open your eyes. [ laughter ] that's her there you go. that's his special lady right there. i'm sure he'll be inviting her to spend the weekend at mar-a-lago.

[ laughter ] maybe she'll even be his fourth wife, i don't know. [ laughter ] our founding farter would appear to be very upset about reports that say he's been sleeping during the trial. today he posted, "contrary to the fake news media, i don't fall asleep during the crooked d.a.'s witch hunt. especially not today. i simply close my beautiful blue eyes sometimes, listen intensely, and take it all in!" right. "i'm just groovin', man, chill out." whether trump is falling asleep or not, one thing is for sure. the courtroom sketch artist hates him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] she turned him into the hunchback of bloatra dame. [ laughter ] looks like his tongue is about to shoot out and get a fly. [ laughter ] i almost feel bad for trump's lawyers. not only is he a stubborn mule who definitely isn't going to pay them when he loses, he's also -- i don't know how dumb

he thinks the people who support him are, but pretty dumb. today he tried to float the idea that because of the gag order, he's not allowed to testify. >> i'm not allowed to testify, i'm under a gag order, i guess i can't testify. i'm not allow the to testify because this judge is totally conflicted. has me under an unconstitutional gag order. nobody's ever had that before. >> jimmy: yeah, nobody still has had it, because you just made it up. [ laughter ] it's obviously -- he can testify. he doesn't want to, because if he does, he'll be eating little containers of creamed corn in prison. [ laughter ] a gag order has nothing to do with whether he can testify. watch his lawyer here, watch again. this guy is so scared of dopey mcgropey, he has to pretend this nonsense is true. >> i'm not allowed to testify, i'm under a gag order, i guess. i can't testify. >> jimmy: right, right. [ laughter and applause ] you're under a gag order, please do not testify. please do not ever speak again in my presence.

[ laughter ] a gag order has nothing to do with whether or not a defendant can testify. it has to do with whether he can threaten and manipulate witnesses outside of court. but he knows that. he can make up any nonsense he wants, and the magaronis eat it up. >> and i know you'll be extremely happy to know that the new biden policy is to let men into every girl's bathroom. that sounds reasonable. every bathroom, every locker room. ladies, get ready, because the men are coming in. >> jimmy: that's right. just like he did at the miss teen usa pageant. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] smell-vis played shows in wisconsin and michigan yesterday. where he fired up the crowd telling them everything's a disaster and america is dead. he rambles on and on, but sometimes he says something he likes so much, he feels the need to write it down. >> i got to get a pen.

let's go, yeah. good, just throw it up here. give me a pen. you think biden can bend down like that? i don't think so. >> jimmy: is that where we're setting the bar for the presidency now? can you pick up a pen? [ laughter ] this is literally something they ask you to do on a field sobriety test. [ laughter ] i bet that'll become part of his show. "do you guys wanna see me pick up a pen?" [ cheers and applause ] "i saaaiiid who wants to see me pick up a pen?" [ cheers and applause ] you know, one thing about trump, he takes great pride in delivers his nonsense off the cuff. he is very critical of anyone who uses a teleprompter. >> there are always teleprompters. i say, take down the teleprompters. it's funny to watch joe biden getting and up reading a teleprompter. he wouldn't even think about

thinking about it. he's more worried, about, does he have a teleprompter? >> he's going to need a teleprompter. >> you have a teleprompter, you don't use it. you kind of wing it in your live events. >> i'm watching what they're doing with biden where he's using teleprompter. he's always using a teleprompter. he only speaks with a teleprompter because that's the way it is. the guy can't speak without the teleprompter. it's lucky i don't needle la teleprompters like sleepy joe. anybody who watches what i do at rallies would say, wow, that's amazing. he can go two hours without a teleprompter, not even making a little mistake. isn't it nice to have a president who doesn't need a teleprompter? i think any president, candidate that runs, should not be allowed to use a teleprompter. >> jimmy: all right. so then -- [ applause ] then yesterday in michigan, guess who had a little fit because his teleprompter was askew? >> it's good that i have a good memory, you know why? because this teleprompter is facing you.

not me. this -- these teleprompters are just gonzo, folks, they're gonzo. i hate to use the word folks. cross out the word folks. you ever hear biden? every other word is folks. "okay, folks." it's like a nervous habit. i don't use the word folks. >> jimmy: that's right. he has no folks left to give. but he doesn't use a teleprompter, that's the important thing. trump gave us a lot to digest on the campaign trail yesterday, so we slowed him down to half speed for another water pressure edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing very slowly ] >> darling, i have beautiful hair. but i can't do anything. because in the shower, the water doesn't come out. darling, i want to get out of this house, i hate it.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i guess that's why he rarely bathes. in arizona, the state senate finally voted to repeal their antiquated abortion law from 1864. governor katie hobbs signed the official paperwork to repeal the law. once the repeal goes into effect, abortion in arizona will be allowed, but only before 15 weeks. and with no exceptions for rape or incest. which is progress. progress from 1864 to 1964, but it's progress. the bill to repeal passed 16-14. every democrat and two republicans voted for it. the republicans who voted for it were shawna bollick, who shared a story about her own abortion pregnancy before attacking democrats and planned parenthood. and t.j.shope, who actually two kids in a suit and a cowboy hat. [ laughter and applause ] so, congratulations to women in arizona, maybe next year they'll let you drive.

and then we have the soon to be former governor of south dakota, kristi noem. who will forever be known as the woman who shot her own dog and bragged about it. she told the story of killing her dog, cricket, in her forthcoming memoir and was immediately denounced by both parties. noem went on "hannity" last night to do damage control and turns out, you know whose fault this is? the fake news! >> well, sean, you know how the fake news works. they leave out some or most of the facts of a story. they put the worst spin on it. that's what's happened in this case. i hope people really do buy this book and they find out the truth of this story. >> jimmy: they put the worst spin on it? you dragged a 14-month-old puppy to a gravel pit, shot it in the head, then told everybody. you wrote it in your book. that's not spinning. that's reading. >> the reason it's in the book is because this book is filled with tough, challenging decisions that i have to make throughout my life. i hope that people understand from this that what the point of the story is, is that most

politicians, they will run from the truth. they will shy away and hide from making tough decisions. i don't do either of those. >> jimmy: no, no, what i do is i shoot puppies. [ laughter ] and if i have to eat some kittens, i'll do that too, sean! [ cheers and applause ] and one more thing. i feel like we lose the audience a little bit, we talk about the fact that she shot -- she really did shoot the dog, okay? didn't make that up. just finding out? thanks for watching. [ laughter ] one more thing before we forge ahead. it is thursday night, that means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. it's time for "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> now we have [ bleep ] jeffries. and the democrats. coming out [ bleep ]ing mike johnson with a warm [ bleep ] and a big, wet, sloppy [ bleep ]. >> the moral of the story is, you're never -- i guess you're

never too old to [ bleep ]. >> kristi noem is on the defense after strong backlash about the governor [ bleep ]ing her dog. >> cnn's daniel dale, our resident [ bleep ], [ bleep ] who will lay down some facts here, some hard [ bleep ]s. >> can [ bleep ] and. [ bleep ] it? >> you don't ask that, you just go in. >> my vice president actually [ bleep ] me. >> we were [ bleep ]ing this robot. in under a year since i incorporated the company. >> this robot is [ bleep ]ing my [ bleep ]. >> i may not even be able to handle this. >> i don't think you can get your mouth around it. >> if you're not going to [ bleep ] you're a racist, aren't you? yes, yes. >> i call myself a housewife and a hustler because i -- well, i'm a housewife. and i [ bleep ] a lot of [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a five-star show for you tonight.

we have music for you tonight from gary clark jr. and stevie wonder. and we'll be right back with john mulaney. so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ abc's "jimmy kimmel live!" brought to you by audi. ♪ ♪ engineered to minimize noise. and built for adventure. which can also be your own quiet cabin in the woods. the fully electric q8 e-tron. an electric vehicle that recharges you. how we get there matters.

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>> jimmy: tonight, he's a grammy-winning musician from austin, texas, who brought along a very special friend to play with him tonight. this is his album. it's called "jpeg raw." gary clark jr. and the incomparable stevie wonder from the don julio outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] stevie wonder's never played on the show before. >> guillermo: no, this is the first time. >> jimmy: i've always wanted to have him on the show. >> it's great, it's fantastic. >> jimmy: you know stevie wonder, right? >>. >> guillermo: of course. >> jimmy: what's your favorite stevie wonder song, guillermo? ♪ i just called to say i love you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not the best one, it's just not. it's not. it's the wrong answer. >> guillermo: okay, all right. >> jimmy: we've got a great week next week, too, with guests including chris pine, josh brolin, jon stewart will be here, luke bryan will be here, mike birbiglia, nikki glaser, bert kreischer, chris perfetti, and david beckham.

as musical guests we have incubus, sarah mclachlan, andra day, and cage the elephant. too many guests, we're going to have to kick people out. [ cheers and applause ] our guest tonight is an exceptionally well-dressed comedian with a live show for a limited time only, starting tomorrow night at 7:00 pacific and every night next week. the show is called "everybody is in l.a." you can see it on netflix. please welcome john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: no one comes out faster than you. [ laughter ] i said your name, suddenly you were on me like a -- >> they were actually holding me back. not a joke. josh was holding me back. >> jimmy: you're like a free safety or something here. >> i'm just so excited. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here, i'm excite to have had you here. >> it's nice to see you, man. >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm very good, how are you? >> jimmy: it's a big week,

you've got a lot going on. >> there's a lot going on. >> jimmy: the last time you were here, you were here promoting your very funny special on netflix, "baby j." >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: which went on to win the emmy, which is fantastic. >> i -- i -- yeah, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that was very cool. >> jimmy: and i wonder -- >> and the critics' choice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and the critics' choice. anything else? >> no, no globe nomination. but -- let's see. >> jimmy: people's choice? >> nomination maybe? did you all -- you're the people, did you -- [ cheers and applause ] no, i don't think i got that. >> jimmy: what was the reaction? like, did people want to talk to you about it? because it wasn't your usual comedy special, just kind of like a series of jokes. there were stories there, really kind of personal stories. >> there were stories about the issues i had with drug addiction, my time in rehab. people liked it as a comedy

special, but people would come up to human to human about it. they had their own struggles with it. i think what was poignant to me, this was recently, i was leaving my house here in l.a. and my neighbor, luis, came and knocked on the window of my car. and i got out and said "hey, luis, how you doing?" he goes, "i finally watched your special." "thank you for watching." he goes, "it's okay." [ laughter ] then he said, "but man, i've got cocaine stories." [ laughter ] "that are better than yours." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: well, maybe -- >> then he gave me a big bag of lemons. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did? >> yeah, do you have a lemon guy on your street? >> jimmy: no, i don't have a lemon guy on my block, no. >> anyone who has the best lemon tree, if you hit it off with them, they should bring you a big bag of lemons. >> jimmy: we have our own lemon tree, i'm going to start giving lemons to comedians. >> do coyotes eat your lemons?

>> jimmy: do coyotes eat lemons? >> dude, coyotes love a twist of lemon. >> jimmy: we are worried about the coyotes eating our dog, but we had not thought about the lemons. >> you know, when i stayed in your guest house after my life fell apart -- >> jimmy: that was you? [ laughter ] we called the police. >> i came in -- i'd done a show at the troubadour. i come in late. and i knew the code, you gave me the code. and i go in there. you had a big possum in front of your guesthouse. it scared the [ bleep ] out of me. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. they're scary, but they're not -- >> so scary. they're harmless, the possums, but terrifying. the scariest harmless -- >> i don't know, they're harmful. >> jimmy: do you think there are any animals that look -- that are as harmless and also as scary? because i think that's the scariest harmless animal. >> i -- that's a great question. you know, no. [ laughter ] don't they just look like

florida if it became an animal? [ laughter ] just a lot of florida. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they do, yeah. you know, i watched -- you were on with david letterman. david letterman does a show on netflix called, "my next guest needs no introduction." >> yes. >> jimmy: just to start with, being asked to be on a show called that is an honor, i think. >> a huge honor. deeply surreal. >> jimmy: it's david letterman. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i watched it like at midnight when it came out. >> you did? thanks. >> jimmy: i tested you right after. i was excited to see it. i wanted to -- you told me a little bit about it. i was excited to see it. it was great. it was really, like, great, but also, like -- just had to be so strange. >> it was strange the whole time. [ laughter ] i have this weird theory. like, i've talked to you before, the theory that y2k really happened. i sometimes think -- i sometimes think, like, did i die a couple years ago? and this is like a weird, nice

heaven? you know. where david letterman wants to hang out with me? and that's a show and it's on tv? >> jimmy: it wasn't just an interview. it was an interview, but also -- >> we spent two days together, three days, sorry. we went to my high school. which, by the way, is like -- like the worst -- like the most, like, angry, pissed-off, ska loving 17-year-old side of me. when i was graduating from high school i thought to myself, i'm never coming back to this place unless it's with a camera crew following me and i've got david letterman with me! [ cheers and applause ] "f" these people, they messed with the wrong person here, they've messed with the wrong guy! i'm coming back here hot 20 years later with a camera crew! and i was walking through, and it actually happened. it rewarded the worst side of me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i remember one of the things you said in the special, when dave asked you, did you ever imagine you'd be headlining the

hollywood bowl, you're like, "yes, i did. starting from a very young age." >> i was informed i said that. i myself have not watched it yet. >> jimmy: you haven't? >> no. >> jimmy: will you watch it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i know how that is. >> i've just got to wait a second because my dad's in it a lot. >> jimmy: i'll tell you about it. you haven't seen your dad? >> i haven't seen him in it. >> jimmy: how did he get in it? >> dave's request "i want to have dinner with you and your dad"? >> yep. first thing, he wanted to spend a whole day together, "go do an activity like bowling or something." i was like, "my dad does not do this activity." [ laughter ] they were asking, "what would you do with your dad?" "we would sit in chairs and talk about eisenhower." [ laughter ] we're not a, you know, baseball, glove father and son. we probably own them. we probably own them. >> jimmy: i got that sense. >> so we did a dinner. >> jimmy: from your dad, were you worried that dad was -- about how he might interact with

dave? embarrass you? or no? >> no, not embarrass me. well, first off, i knew he'd be fine. totally unfazed by doing it. >> jimmy: yeah, he did seem unfazed. >> does he? that's totally -- >> jimmy: very calm. >> he was excited to meet someone and have dinner, but we didn't care at all. >> jimmy: was he equally excited about the meeting someone and just the dinner? [ laughter ] >> yeah. he liked the ambiance as much as he liked meeting david letter man. david letterman, that's not a big deal at all. i think he actually thought this guy's excited to meet me. [ laughter ] which like, i mean, if you were my dad, you're this really serious, you know, lawyer in the '80s. you have four kids. then there's this guy on tv every night, you know, like in a velcro suit. i think my dad was like, "that's some [ bleep ], i don't know who that is." [ laughter ] he wasn't starstruck. but that's kind of him. he's not fazed by anything.

>> jimmy: have you ever seen him lose it? >> well -- only one time. he threw his glasses at me when i was, like, 11 or 12, at hard rock cafe. [ laughter ] like, just purely out of frustration. like, he wasn't a hitting guy, you know? maybe -- he sort of tried to hit me once. but he didn't know how to hit, and i didn't know how to receive it. [ laughter ] it was like -- and i was like, what? and then my older sister was great because it was like the mid '90s. "dad, you're not supposed to hit people. that looks so bad. you're not supposed to hit kids. that would come off terribly if people found out about it." and he's like, "okay, okay, okay, okay." negotiated out of it. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he seems to me to be a guy who is so normal, he's weird. >> yeah, yeah. that's the perfect description. >> jimmy: the story that you told about going to mcdonald's with him -- i don't even know -- i thought about it for the last

48 hours. >> we were 4, 6, and 8. we were driving to wisconsin. and it was long drive. we saw a mcdonald's. my dad pulled into the drive-thru. we were little kids, we all started cheering. mcdonald's, mcdonald's, mcdonald's! my dad pulls up to the drive-through. he orders one black coffee for himself and keeps driving. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and it's interesting to see him -- so letterman asked him about that. and he went, "yeah, yeah." he goes, "i was told later that was not good." [ laughter ] but he's very straightforward like that. he's an interesting cat. i really -- >> jimmy: i can relate to what o.j. did more than i can relate to that. [ laughter ] like, for real. >> you can see how o.j. got there. but you can't imagine -- >> jimmy: yeah, o.j.'s probably coked up and angry, the wife,

whatever, yeah. >> no, but i -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why don't we take a break at this moment. we'll have a discussion with the producers about whether that should stay in the show or not. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] john mulaney is here, we'll be right back. >> say yes. welcome to the new petsmart treats rewards™ collect points with every purchase. save big on their favorite services.

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>> jimmy: john mulaney has something very special going on. this week, "everybody's in l.a.," a live show on net

flix. >> live around the world with no delay. >> jimmy: no delay. whatever goes on, goes on. >> whatever happens, happens. >> jimmy: you'll be taking phone calls? >> i will be taking some phone calls, yeah. >> jimmy: that's funny. i don't know. i didn't know -- >> it's like something you would do. >> jimmy: maybe, yeah. it's like something i did do many years ago in my radio career. >> yeah, it does have a -- an unhinged radio feel to it. >> jimmy: have you ever done like a call-in type of thing? >> no, i haven't. >> jimmy: it's fun. >> it's very interesting. it's -- you know, you get like a second to go, okay, you want to talk about coyotes? okay, great. and you're not going to yell something that would end john's career, are you? they go, no. we go, all right, we trust you, and patch them in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: will you be giving away bumper stickers and tickets to the water park to caller 103.5 or anything like that? [ laughter ] >> that's -- oh, man. you put me in a real awkward position. [ laughter ] we don't have anything. we should get some bumper stickers. >> jimmy: you've got to have prizes for people at the end.

they might behave themselves if they have prizes, they 94 know they're going to get a prize at the end of the call. >> is that how you did it in radio? "you'll get tickets to our live event at a parking lot" or whatever? >> jimmy: you know really what happened? some jerk-off friend call up, we'd put him on hold," congratulations, you're calling 93." "oh my god." "okay, we'll give over to the concert together." [ laughter ] >> you have just shattered all of us who remember those calls on your radio show are crestfallen. >> jimmy: many fcc violations, many. [ laughter ] more than not, to be honest with you. >> i asked you at dinner recently if you'd ever been fired, and you said the first job you were not fired from was this show? >> jimmy: in l.a. maybe this show. [ laughter ] >> there's still time. >> jimmy: that remains to be seen. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my god, these guests. >> a lot of people are in town for this "netflix is a joke" festival. so i figured

i'm going to do six nights, live every night, then it's done, it can't be picked up again. >> jimmy: it could. you're just not going to let it? >> i wouldn't let it, no. >> jimmy: i see, okay. >> so there's no stakes to it. we'll never hit a groove. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah you don't want to hit a groove. >> we're not going to go, we kind of have a handle on it, we're just exploring everything about los angeles. >> jimmy: david letterman, jerry seinfeld, jon stewart, sarah sill vary man, nate bargatze, cedric the entertainer. those are the big names. then you've got small names, weird small names, too. dr. lucy jones, the seismologist. >> oh, yeah. you know lucy jones? >> jimmy: we all know lucy jones. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's a big part of this town. >> yes, she is. >> jimmy: when things go back, we turn to lucy jones. >> for sure. [ laughter ] she was like the carson daly of the northridge earthquake on the air all the time. >> jimmy: that's right. >> she's cool, yeah. we're talking earthquakes that night, obviously.

>> jimmy: hypnotherapist kerry gainer? >> a brilliant man who got me to quit smoking in november 2021. i smoked from age 13 to 39. two sessions. and haven't used a single nicotine product since. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dr. emily lindsay. >> all credit to kerry. >> jimmy: of the la brea tar pits? dr. emily lindsey. >> i took my son to the la brea tar pits. he doesn't want to see a bunch of skeletons. >> jimmy: no one does. [ laughter ] >> what i thought was going to be so embarrassing in retrospect. i thought it was going to be big animals covered in tar. [ laughter ] and it was going to be, you know, an animated movie to him. it was just these dirty bones. >> jimmy: yeah, dirty bones and the smell of tar. >> and the smell of tar everywhere. >> jimmy: you've got helicopter journalist zoey tur on the show? >> have you ever seen an interview with zoey tur? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> fascinating woman. flew -- still flies journalistic helicopters. she was over the rodney king uprising.

she was over the o.j. chase. >> jimmy: oh, so she was -- she's the reporter from the -- oh, yeah, i must know who she is, of course, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she was over all those things? >> yeah, and she might be somewhere in sylmar right now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is there anyone that you asked to do this who said no? there's so many -- >> there's so many. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? >> someone that you -- near and dear to your and my heart, diamond david lee roth. >> jimmy: he said no? >> he passed, yeah. which is okay. i respect the man, he's a solid guy. >> jimmy: i don't know about that. [ laughter ] >> he's a really -- a really chill guy. no, diamond david lee roth -- man. i did want him. and i originally asked him to kind of be, like, my cleto. >> jimmy: oh, to be the band leader, oh. >> then i was like, "or just a guest, talk about your time" -- because he lived in altadena. i want to talk to him about life

in altadena. >> jimmy: and he said no to that? >> he said no to that, yeah. >> jimmy: did you tell him you have a helicopter journalist on the show? [ laughter ] >> i honestly, i didn't know thou appeal to him. it's david lee roth, i should just call him up and be like, let's party, and he might show up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david lee roth, i think we've discussed this before, is actually an emt. he's got -- you know, he is -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: he worked -- so maybe just call and say, "i'm bleeding," and he'll come over. [ laughter ] >> can you imagine being in a medical crisis, and you're strapped down to the board, and your head's in that -- and you look up, "yeah!" [ laughter and applause ] like, that must be insane. >> jimmy: john mulaney. the show is called "everybody's in l.a." it's live tomorrow 597:00 p.m. pacific, which is 4:00 on the east coast? >> other way around. >> jimmy: 10:00, even better, yeah. [ laughter ] then at the hollywood bowl on saturday night?

>> yeah, saturday night i'm at the hollywood bowl. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no calls. >> no calls that night. come enjoy the traffic coming down cahuenga. it will be great. >> jimmy: great to have you here. >> great to see you, buddy. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with gary clark jr. and stevie wonder! female president. of the universe. (middle boy) someday, i'm gonna marry my baseball glove. probably in vegas. (youngest girl) someday, i'll help all balloon animals roam free. (vo) there are a lot of miles between today and “someday”. your long-lasting three-row subaru ascent will get your family there. ninety-six percent of subaru vehicles sold in the past ten years are still on the road. (middle boy) someday, i'll be able to read dogs' minds. he's thinking squirrels.

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>> lou: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by don julio tequila. >> this is the album. it's called "jpeg raw." here with a song they wrote together called "what about the children?" gary clark jr. and stevie wonder! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ what about the children playin' in the streets dreaming of that good life no shoes on their feet ♪ ♪ where is their mama where is

their daddy they need some badly ♪ ♪ we all agree yeah we can all agree yeah uh ♪ ♪ it doesn't matter when life is shattered to honest people like you ♪ ♪ yeah honest people like you what about that good girl workin' on the street ♪ ♪ givin' up that good good so her babies can eat tell me what would ♪ ♪ you do if you were in her

shoes it wasn't her dream we all agree ♪ ♪ yes we all agree yeah it really doesn't matter when life is shattered ♪ ♪ to honest people like you honest people like you what about the children ♪ ♪ what about the children, life ain't what it seems ♪ ♪ what about the children, all their broken dreams ♪ ♪ everyday's a struggle life without a dream no one gives a damn ♪ ♪ makes a mother scream what about that good man locked up from the streets ♪

♪ what about that good man on the street, trying to make a dollar to put shoes on his baby's feet ♪ ♪ they all agree now ♪ ♪ we can all agree ♪ ♪ but it doesn't matter life is shattered to honest people like you ♪ ♪ honest people like you ♪ ♪ what about the children, what

about the babies, what about the children ♪ ♪ why are you so hopeless if you love the children ♪ ♪ what about the children ♪ ♪ what about the babies, what about them starving ♪ ♪ what about the children ♪ why are you so honest, if you love the children ♪ ♪ what about the children ♪ ♪ ooh i can't take this no more ♪ ♪ here we go here we go what about the children ♪ >> we ain't playing, y'all. [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico.

>> jimmy: oh, what a night, what a night. thanks to john mulaney, gary clark jr., thanks to stevie wonder. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next. thank you for watching, goodnight.

♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, is the american dream out of reach? >> it is competitive. >> i also don't want to fall in love with something and get too attached to something and have it be gone. >> byron: we're